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THE SOUND OF THE VOICE AND THE CHOICE OF LANGUAGE

March 24, 2009

You’ve checked out your new love interest visually,- now you are ready to move to the second criterion for partner picking. Once the mouth opens and the words tumble out, the opportunity is ripe to positively support your choice, or rule out that person. Voice is one of the most important factors affecting the perception you have of others. ‘It’s not

what you say but how you say it’ movie star and vamp, Mae West stated long ago. Behavioural researchers Loretta Malandro and Larry Barker in their book Nonverbal Communication say ‘the minute you begin to speak, your spoken image becomes dominant and overrides your visual image. When you talk to someone you can either destroy or reinforce the non-verbal messages you are sending via your clothing, gestures, facial expression, posture and other nonverbal communication.’

Be yourself as you speak. Remember that it may not be the way you say your words or your voice that is unattractive but actually what you are saying. Potential turn-offs are:

• being self-centred and using too many T statements

•talking so much you don’t have time to listen

• topics not interesting to your partner: don’t be an insensitive bore

• not understanding the art of asking questions

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