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May 18, 2009
I feel like I am just too much work, so I try to hurry. If I try to hurry, I just can’t come. Then I end up faking it. Sometimes I try so hard that my muscles hurt.
WIFE
I have discussed the fact that the first perspectives of sexuality saw women as sexually sluggish, capable of intense response only after intense, prolonged stimulation. It was an accepted fact that women take longer than men. This view was not upheld in the wives in my group.
In cases where the wife was seen as “slow” to respond, it was clear that there is no such thing as a slow sexual response. Just as we would not speak of a slow sneeze, we cannot view sexual response as anything but natural and reactive to the specific situation, partner, and type of stimulation.
“I rub right on her clitoris for what seems like hours,” reported one a long time. She will usually finally come, but by then I can have a sore forearm and I am not excited. She’s just real slow to respond.”
This report illustrates the blaming of female response for couple ignorance about sexuality. Later in my work with this couple, it turned out that C-area stimulation for this wife was not effective. G-area stimulation combined with simultaneous talking about fantasy led to intense and what the couple reported as “really quick coming.” They eventually became less interested in the quick part and learned to enjoy the journey more than the destination.
Sexual response cannot be wrong, too fast, too slow, “too” anything, because it is a natural human response, unique to all of us and each of us. Once we learn this, we are free to become sexual together, for there can be no right or wrong in what is natural and beautiful.
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