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- Men's Health-Erectile Dysfunction
- Skin Care
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September 27, 2010
Why do we always have to be so negative? What exactly are you supposed to be saying ‘no’ to? A kiss? … A hug? … Stroking each other to orgasm? … Penetration? If people are not aware of their options, they think that any sexual activity at all is out of bounds and that one thing necessarily leads to another. It makes much more sense to know how to say ‘yes’. You may decide on a non-sexual friendship. You may decide to delay intercourse until later in the relationship, or to wait until some future relationship.
There are definite benefits in delaying penetrative intercourse. It can give you the time to develop the communication and emotional and physical intimacy so necessary for a fulfilling relationship.
Not rushing into intercourse enables you to build your sensual skills gradually, learn to use your hands and your lips, get to know the sensitive parts of your partner’s whole body, learn how to move your body in ways that stimulate your partner. These skills are known as foreplay, but it’s probably time we dispensed with that term too. When we use the term ‘foreplay’ it presumes that it is a prelude to something else. ‘Before’ what? Before intercourse. The usual descriptions of the reasons for ‘foreplay’ are to get the woman wet enough for easy penetration. If that was the case then they could call lubricating gel ‘foreplay in a tube’. ‘Foreplay’ has traditionally been seen as a means to an end, rather than a totally satisfying experience in its own right. This is all tied in with the notion of ‘we didn’t go all the way’, which in other words means that the encounter was somehow incomplete because it did not involve the penis ending up in the vagina.
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The problem with the traditional concept of virginity is that it doesn’t allow for the spectrum of sexual pleasure that exists without intercourse. Because the emphasis is so strongly focused on the act of penetration, many don’t consider ‘outercourse’ to be ‘real sex’. That is the ‘If it’s not in, then it’s not on!’ attitude. Yet it can be a valid and satisfying option, given the language to talk about it and the skills and confidence to negotiate what’s okay for both partners. The important thing is to describe the activities and exactly what risks they might involve in specific terms, leaving no room for misunderstanding.
Saying no to intercourse can mean all sorts of things. It can mean ‘I’m not emotionally ready for intercourse yet’ or ‘I like you as a friend but I don’t ever want a sexual relationship with you’ or ‘I want to show you that I’m physically attracted to you but I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.’
The ‘safe’ options will involve masturbating each other, body to body rubbing, tickling, massage, kissing, hugging, imagination and fantasy and using sex toys (like a vibrator), while avoiding any genital to genital contact.
It helps for each person to work out in advance ‘What’s okay for me … What’s okay for you … What do we both feel comfortable with?’ In the heat of the moment is a difficult time to have a rational discussion. It is extraordinary that most people find it more intimate and confronting to talk about sex than to do it. The old attitude ‘I close my eyes and it just happens’ is a recipe for disaster. Closed eyes and closed minds increase the casualties of the war of ignorance.
Knowing about the options is the first big step. Convincing a partner about what you want can be another thing. The key to this is caring enough about yourself to put your needs first, but that is not always easy. Society rewards selflessness and generosity. Charity workers are applauded. Military medals are presented to servicemen and -women who put the lives of others ahead of their own. You will never see a medal presentation for self-interest or self-preservation. Yet these are the very qualities that are vital to sexual health.
Sex education is evolving all the time. We have moved away from the ‘sperm meets egg’ saga and there is more emphasis on the interactions of real people. However, over the years there has been an emphasis in sex education on saying no’ to sex, particularly where young people are concerned. Far short of addressing anything remotely resembling reality, this approach to sex education denies permission for young people to express the powerful sexual and emotional feelings they are experiencing. These feelings can be confusing at any age but simply telling someone to ignore them or to distract themselves or ‘Wait until you’re older’ is totally ineffective.
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June 3, 2010
May 21, 2009
Roseola is a common infection amongst babies and young children. Cause
Roseola is caused by a type of herpes virus. Clinical features
The onset of roseola is sudden and dramatic. The young child develops a high fever which lasts for 3-4 days, and then disappears quite suddenly with the appearance of a characteristic rash. The rash of pink, slightly raised spots occurs mainly on the trunk, but may spread to the arms and neck. The rash rarely lasts more than 24 hours.
There is no specific treatment for roseola. Management of the high fever is important in order to prevent febrile convulsions, which are more likely to occur in this age group.
When to see your doctor
• if your child has an unexplained high fever;
• if your child develops a rash;
• if your child is generally unwell for no apparent reason or in addition to the above symptoms.
May 19, 2009
1. “Do girls have balls, too?”
Yes. In boys the balls, where the sperm is made, are called testicles, and they are on the outside of the body’s body in a sac called the scrotum. In girls, the balls, where her eggs are made, are inside, in the lower part of her body. They are called ovaries. “Balls” is just a slang word some people use for testicles, but boys and girls both have similar sexual organs. As usual, slang or bad words for sex and sex parts can confuse things.
2. ”Why do women bleed between their legs?”
They don’t really bleed, as they would from a cut. Every month a nesting place for a baby is made in a part of the woman’s body called the uterus. If a sperm and egg get together, a baby grows there. If the nest is not needed, it comes out the way a bird’s nest can fall from a tree. What comes out is the nesting material, with some blood and other things that make the nest. This is what is called menstruation. Women catch this unneeded nesting material with various types of pads. This is all part of a very natural process.
3. ”How do the boys get their sperm?”
Sperm is made in the testicles and the eggs are made in the ovaries. Boys make millions of sperm every day, but girls are bom with several hundred eggs, and only some of them ripen and become eggs that can join with sperm.
May 18, 2009
I feel like I am just too much work, so I try to hurry. If I try to hurry, I just can’t come. Then I end up faking it. Sometimes I try so hard that my muscles hurt.
I have discussed the fact that the first perspectives of sexuality saw women as sexually sluggish, capable of intense response only after intense, prolonged stimulation. It was an accepted fact that women take longer than men. This view was not upheld in the wives in my group.
In cases where the wife was seen as “slow” to respond, it was clear that there is no such thing as a slow sexual response. Just as we would not speak of a slow sneeze, we cannot view sexual response as anything but natural and reactive to the specific situation, partner, and type of stimulation.
“I rub right on her clitoris for what seems like hours,” reported one a long time. She will usually finally come, but by then I can have a sore forearm and I am not excited. She’s just real slow to respond.”
This report illustrates the blaming of female response for couple ignorance about sexuality. Later in my work with this couple, it turned out that C-area stimulation for this wife was not effective. G-area stimulation combined with simultaneous talking about fantasy led to intense and what the couple reported as “really quick coming.” They eventually became less interested in the quick part and learned to enjoy the journey more than the destination.
Sexual response cannot be wrong, too fast, too slow, “too” anything, because it is a natural human response, unique to all of us and each of us. Once we learn this, we are free to become sexual together, for there can be no right or wrong in what is natural and beautiful.
The reasons for extramarital sex are as varied as the people who engage in it. No research has ever told us why people do it. I suggest, however, that one reason is that extramarital sex has enjoyed a sexual monopoly. It gets most of the attention and offers a cafeteria of descriptions guaranteed to meet some appetite. It is seen as so much fun that it is resisted only by control, awareness and religious punishment, self-denial, and acceptance of the myth of the more moral but less intense sexuality of marriage. Seldom do you read that sex in marriage is not only better than sex outside of marriage, but that extramarital sex falls far short of the intimacy and sexual fulfillment available within marriage. You will learn throughout this book that no form of extramarital sex can compete with super marital sex, and once this lesson is learned, spouses having affairs may begin cheating on their “lovers,” and having “intramarital” sex with their husband or wife.
We live in a society in which it is much easier to look “out” than “in,” to seek variety when we fail to find intensity. Super marital sex is developed not by variety, adventure, mystery, and the “affairizing” of marriage, but by learning an entirely new orientation to sexuality and its relationship to lasting love. There are many old lessons that will have to be unlearned, and a new perspective on sexuality will have to be developed. This is the purpose of this book. Follow along with each chapter and you will see that extramarital sex doesn’t stand a chance against super marital sex.
May 15, 2009
Diets which stress no carbohydrates or high protein or fat can be dangerous unless followed under strict medical and dietetic control.
Motivation is all-important in losing weight. Overweight people who have had a heart attack usually lose weight rapidly and maintain their ideal weight.
Some people even resort to surgery to lose weight. There is an operation called an apronectomy where the surgeon can remove the apron of fat from the abdomen. It certainly is a quick, if expensive, way to shed 10 kilos.
Another operation is a short circuit on the bowel. The upper small bowel is temporarily joined to the lower bowel thus preventing a lot of the food from being absorbed. This must be done with care and only for extreme reasons. It is prone to a lot of complications; deficiencies of vitamins and other essential food factors can happen.
Another operation with less adverse effects is stapling of the stomach. This reduces the size of the stomach and so limits the amount of food which can be eaten.
To lose weight you need to eat less than required and so burn up some of your reserve. When you have reached your ideal weight, you can increase intake to match output and your weight will stay the same.
We doctors seem to know a great deal about sickness and not so much about health. Certainly we seem to do well with treatment but have difficulty in convincing people to alter their lifestyles so as to lessen the risk of well-known diseases. Yet the key to success in the degenerative diseases and some cancers, where we know the causative factors, is to avoid them if we can.
Changing our diet and avoiding smoking would reduce the incidence of atheroma.
The diagnosis of intermittent claudication can be made on the history alone. When the doctor examines the legs, he may be unable to feel the pulses in the feet. This indicates obstruction to blood flow.
In the past, various drugs were used in an effort to dilate the narrowed arteries and improve the blood flow. Unfortunately, these have proved disappointing.
Because of the development of operations designed to bypass the obstructed vessel, accurate diagnosis of where the blockage lies is important to decide if operation is feasible.